Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Nice Men

I have just finished reading an article about rape.

Nice Guys


This article is very clear about the reasons behind rape, and how best to prevent it.

It seems that there is a LOT of research about the motivation and cause of rape, and absolutely none of it finds that women wearing short skirts or drinking alcohol are a factor.

Even in date rape or acquaintance rape, the rapist knows what he is doing, plans it, and carries out that plan. So all of the advice about staying with a friend, don't drink too much etc is pretty useless. Very few of us are constantly on the look-out to make sure that we're not being groomed for rape. Just as con-men rely on their victims trusting them and believing them, rapists rely on women being relaxed, trusting them, knowing them (or at least knowing the friend they are with) so that they can carry out their plan.

The article also makes it clear that supporting the myth that sometimes 'nice men' just get confused and accidentally rape a woman because they weren't sure, but thought that maybe she wanted it, increases the likelihood of rape. Clearly stating that any and all rape apologist arguments are false, and turning the discussion to the rapist and why he is in the wrong, can lower the amount of rapes that occur.

So, I would just like to re-word the argument that many people still believe. Nice men do NOT sometimes commit rape by mistake. Rapists pretend to be nice men, so that they can claim it was a mistake.

Be very clear about this. A rapist is neither nice nor mistaken. THAT thought should be foremost in society. 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Gotta Fight for the Right ...

I am, apparently 'professionally offended', or so I've been told.

Not just once, but a few times.

Which is odd, because I have a number of jobs, and none of them have 'being offended' in either the job title or description. All of my jobs are such a stereotype of a middle class woman, suffering from middle age spread, that it is almost impossible to believe that I could be offended. Sure, I might get a bit het up about whether my cupcakes have risen or not, or the use of a greengrocers' apostrophe, but generally I am pretty busy just living my own life and don't have the time or energy to get upset about other people's business.

By the time I've taken care of the child, the house, the garden, the car, the teaching, the cupcakes and the studying, I only have a smidgen of energy left over for The Cause. Often, truth be told, I'd rather have a cup of tea, put my slippered feet up, and watch some trash TV. I may have the inclination to go out and socialize, but even that is only a maybe as I find my daily life is sufficiently hectic (and fulfilling) to make me enjoy a night in just as much as a night out.

So it's fairly rarely that I read/watch/hear something and actually bother to voice my opinions, even online. There's also a healthy dash of the British modesty in there - who wants to hear my opinions, what are they worth? - which means that I'm less than forthcoming about my responses to certain situations. In real life, I am even less vocal about the injustices I see. In real life, I often flounder when attempting to put forward my argument. I don't recall facts and figures easily, so need time to check on research etc. Basically, I keep shtum. 

All of this means, that I'm really not some female warrior crusader. Tired from all the hullabaloo, I don't make much of a fuss. But I will raise my voice every so often. There are some issues where I will dig in my heels and kick up a fuss (even if I look ungainly as I do so). I'm not professionally offended, I'm just pointing out the bleeding obvious to those who don't want to be told what is right in front of their noses.

I'm not sure if that counts as fighting for my rights, but I like to think that I quietly, with surety, set up a good defense boundary. I may not be leading the charge, but neither am I letting in any of the people who would like to see me beaten. And behind these defensive walls, I AM raising the child, taking care of those around me, teaching (and being taught about) respect and equality. I may not be yelling a battle cry, but I am taking care of business. My business. If that offends you, so be it.